Gravel Vacuum Cleaner
Your #1 Labor-Saving Device with Professor-Approved Footnotes
Misc Frogs II
Misc Frogs III
Misc Frogs IV
Misc Frogs V
Pet World Visit
Fisheye view of a working gravel cleaner.
Importance: Several specific inventions advanced the progress of mankind.* Rather than bore you with the history of the entire world, we’ll just list the Top Ten:
Basic Design: Archimedes (a far-sighted Greek) invented the Gyro and the siphon long before there was gasoline (probably petrol in Greece) to “borrow.” Not to impugn Archimedes (who did a lot of important work), but he stubbed his toe on the threshold of immortality when he failed to make that final leap which would have perfected his mere siphon and achieved the fine tool we know today as the gravel vacuum cleaner.
Patent Info: Our U.S. Patent Office officially describes this fine piece of machinery as “A siphon with a bigger thingy on the end.” The original Owners Manual said to 1. Stick the big end in an aquarium, 2. Suck on the little end, 3. Stick the little end in a bucket, 4. Spit* in the bucket (optional), 5. Repeat if necessary.
*Our research has shown that this effluent contains many vitamins, minerals, trace elements, and micro-nutrients available only in expensive health food stores and on the internet. It gives you a healthy, shiny coat and makes your fingernails grow.
Detractor(s): We put the (s) in parentheses because we only know of one detractor of the gravel vacuum cleaner. However, in the entire world there could exist another. John* (just a nom d'guerre for literary purposes) says, “Paint the bottom of your aquarium black. That way you won’t see the build up of that harmless ash and waste your time stressing yourself and your fish by removing it.”
*John, an excellent inventor in his own write is so obviously ticked off that Archimedes beat him to the principles behind this invention.
*Stuff like happens, you know.
Their HUGE Disadvantage: You still had to change the water. What’s up with that? First you clean the gravel. Then you change the water? Why not do it all at once? That’s where today’s gravel vacuum cleaners come in handy. You perform the two jobs at once. Just like Certs.
One Size does not Fit All: You can find Short GVCs,* Medium GVCs, Long GVCs, Shorter GVCs, Longer GVCs, and Honker (three feet) GVCs. Both the American and metric versions work equally well. Use the GVC that fits your needs best. As for the bucket, we recommend the white ones. You can visibly measure your work by the amount of stuff in your bucket.**
vacuum cleaners in case you've forgotten.
Big Disadvantage: No matter what size GVC you get, the hose is never long enough. So, Aqualand suggests you stick on a longer hose. “One great step for a man* ... etc.” Rather than fight over patent rights, we donate this info to the world. Six-footers work best for most people. We use our 12-footer most. The 25-footer reaches our high tanks. Just remember, the longer your hose, the slower your water flows due to friction. If you just want to drain a tank fast, use a short-hosed GVC.
*Yeah, or a woman.
Faucet Power: Back
in the 17th century Giovanni Venturi came up with the Venturi principle (narrow
tube, accelerated flow, etc.) which was not really perfected until the 20th
century by Clemens Herschell who connected it to a faucet so we could empty and
fill water beds. Then Monty Python's brother said, “Let’s try that in
an aquarium.” The rest is history, as they say in Eureka, CA.
You can clean tanks and FILL tanks with these beauties. And you can easily
clean those hard to service low tanks. Even more efficient than Certs.
by Newton or Bacon or one of those English guys.
Bucket Toting: Remember to switch arms when toting buckets of water or you will soon walk lop-sided. And never carry your bucket with both arms at the same time. You can also do curls with your bucket. Make it a part of your total fitness program. The GVCs that attach to your faucet eliminate this healthful aspect of tank cleaning. One last tip for bucket toters: If you only fill your bucket half full, it will weigh half as much. Draw a line at the half-full level to remind you. Option 2: Draw the line at the half-empty level. LA
© 2005 LA Productions
3600 Sixth Avenue
Corner of Sixth & Euclid Avenues
Des Moines, IA 50313
Betta Breed 1
Betta Breed II
Betta Pla Kat
Pleco Costly I
Pleco Costly II
Pleco Costly III
Pleco Costly IV
Pleco Costly V
Pleco Costly VI
Misc Catfish II
Misc Catfish III
Misc Catfish IV
Misc Catfish V
Jack Dempsey Spawn
Jaguar Spawning II
Rainbowfish, Dwarf Neon